Las Vegas

I had a blast in Las Vegas. I arrived on Friday afternoon just after 2pm. Anthony and Lindsay bid at a silent auction for a 2 night stay at the MGM Signature, which included a hummer limo tour of the city and dinner for 2. They won it, and planned to go the weekend immediately before Lindsay’s birthday.

I arrived a day after them so they were already waiting for me in the lobby of the MGM Grand, sipping drinks at the Zuri bar. My spirits were high and everyone seemed excited about the weekend ahead of us.

Drinks at the Zuri Bar

Usually, I’m not totally crazy about planning things out at all, but Anthony and Lindsay had an agenda, and I was actually really happy about that. I don’t mean to toot my own horn or anything, but I think my lack of interest in planning makes me an ideal traveling companion – I’m up for anything and everything you suggest.

Obviously, being good friends of mine, drinking was a major factor in the planning. After a couple of Hornito sodas with lime, we headed up to the hotel room which was on the 5th floor of the MGM Signature Tower 3. The room was beautiful – complete with a TV that ascended out of the desk, a pull-out couch, king size bed, a tub you could comfortably fit 3 people (we tried, trust), a fully functional kitchen, and a view of the pool down below. It was really amazing.

After a few drinks and breaking in the hot tub, we went over to the Paris hotel to grab some gigantic daiquiris and meet up with one of Anthony’s friend’s brothers, and his wife. I had spent some time in Las Vegas in 2008 when my sister was working on the Obama campaign, and had seen a hallow, plastic guitar which one could fill with whichever daiquiris they’d like to see coming out of their mouth later that night into a toilet bowl. Of course, I wanted one, but whatever the case was, I didn’t wind up getting it. Bummer. I was on a mission to get that guitar, even if it was the last thing I did.

In any case, the daiquiri bar in the Paris did not serve drinks in guitars, but they did have these big plastic refillable cups, which I just had to have:

Daiquiris in Paris? Yes please!

After Paris and after meeting up with Anthony’s friends, we headed for old town Las Vegas, or Fremont street, where the slots and whores were cheaper. If you’ve never been there, it is like a great outdoor mall with a huge LED screen overhead which curves around as it comes down onto the storefronts. Every half hour there is an incredible light show. You can also use a zip-line across the entire street to get from one end to another. Of course, there are casinos and smoke a-plenty, as well.

Fremont street neon

I was adequately shitfaced at this point and proceeded to take a picture with the first mascots I found – Elmo and the Cookie Monster. I quickly learned that Fremont street was filled with hustlers in various costumes, from really sad renditions of Spiderman and Ironman to feathered-up showgirls, all trying to earn a buck. After noting this, which didn’t take long, I stopped taking pictures with mascots.

I’m pretty sure Lindsay and Anthony were relieved.

Mascot Madness

After Fremont street we proceeded to head back home and get ready for dinner. Of course, any time we were in the hotel, we busted out our phones and computers and proceeded to have a photo shoot. We sum that up to the wise  Cher Horowitz in “Clueless,” who never trusts mirrors, and always takes Polaroids.

Yeah, we look cute

Dinner was at Aureole in the Mandalay Bay (Anthony kept saying “Mandalay Bay” in a ridiculous Jamaican accent which had Lindsay and I rollin’ for hours). Auroele is amazing for lots of reasons, one of which is their wine wall, which goes up about 120 feet and requires a “wine angel” to ascend and descend whenever someone orders a bottle of wine.

As Lindsay said, we made that bitch work.

Now, I didn’t manage to snap photos of any of the fabulous food we ate or any of the fabulous drinks we threw back, but I did catch Anthony in a tender moment with his shoe laces:

Anthony wears great shoes

The kids went out and had a great time after dinner, but your boy Julian passed out on the bed and proceeded to have a wonderful night in. I woke up around 2am and was prepared to rally, but Lindsay, who changed my Grindr picture and my Grindr message to read, “I love puppies!!!!” proceeded to leave the app on, which drained the battery.

Grindr user in Vegas – yikes

My phone being dead, paired with my sleepiness led me to make a bed on the couch and crash for the rest of the evening.

Saturday arrived before I knew it, and I found Anthony like this:

Anthony doing his best impression of Count Dracula

Apparently, he had gotten sick overnight. Lindsay and I, feeling no pain, purchased some tall boys at the hotel store and some OJ and made some beer-mosas. Delicious. We  had lunch at Emeril’s where an apathetic bartender took our order and proceeded to ignore us for the duration of our meal. One might argue that our first mistake was going to Emeril’s in the first place … and I would be inclined to agree with them. The food was mediocre at best. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Anthony finally rallied after puking up some clam chowder and we headed to our 1:30 Hummer limo ride. It was amazing.

Loading up into the Hummer limo

We toured the city for about an hour. The 49ers had started their game against the Green Bay Packers so I kept checking the score while we passed exciting and flashy Las Vegas landmarks. The Hummer limo itself was really impressive – huge, ready to get 16 passengers from one place to another. There was enough room for the three of us to a lie comfortably and sleep and still be five feet away from one another. Pretty rad.

Touring the city

When our time was up, the limo driver dropped us off at the Hard Rock casino to watch the rest of the 49ers game. Anthony, feeling sick, was really keen on the idea of going back to the hotel to finish up the game and rest up for the rest of our evening, and so we went back. Lindsay and I, obviously, proceeded to get trashed, especially after the 49ers won!


After our victory, we geared up for the Cosmopolitan, where we had dinner reservations at Jose Andres’ restaurant, China Poblano. Boy, were we in for a treat. I had not heard of the restaurant and was really impressed. A combination of both Chinese and Mexican food, it wasn’t quite fusion because both of the cuisines were kept separate. You could order chips and salsa, guacamole, and tacos, yeah, but you could also order steamed pork buns and dumplings stuffed with mushrooms and spring onions. Really fucking rad.

The wait staff was really, really sexy.

Pork buns, chips, a foamy margarita and salsa

After dinner, we had reservations at the The Chandelier, which was so beautiful I forgot to snap pictures of it. The girls and I sat at a cute corner table where we had a great view of everyone entering and leaving. We ordered a bottle of bubbly, to which the cute cocktail waitress with the fake tits asked us if we’d like raspberries on the side. We said, “duh” I think.

After The Chandelier we decided to walk down the strip back towards the MGM Grand. Anthony and Lindsay were going to go to the Crazy Horse Paris show, while I was going to lay low and get some Julian time in. As we walked down the strip, however, I felt a familiar tingle down my spine. I looked to my left and lo-and-behold – a bar with daiquiris. The bar itself had a “rock” theme and n my heart I knew – this was the place where I would get a hallowed out guitar with booze in it.

And I was right. We headed through the restaurant part of the bar to the front where girls were filling up everything from bulls to guitars with delicious, frozen booze. I threw down two twenties and had one of the girls fill up an orange guitar, just for me.

A father has never felt this proud

With my prize in hand, I dropped Lindsay and Anthony off at the Crazy Horse show and headed back to the hotel room. Feeling a bit restless, high on life and still not over the amazingness which was the hallow guitar, I decided to strip nude, fill up the jacuzzi tub in the room with hot water and suds, and get in, blasting the Black Keys and snapping photos. This is the result:

Scary, right? 

The Crazy Horse show was over soon after I had gotten out of the tub and I got dressed for the rest of the night. We went down to the MGM Grand casino and proceeded to lose a lot of money to the slots. Anthony was on a pretty good winning streak for a while. We had drinks, me sipping on my guitar almost the entire time. I played a game called “Kitty Glitter” and lost lots of funds.

This is the bitch who took all my money

The night wasn’t over before long and we went back to the room to catch some Z’s. The next day we all headed to the airport (in a limo) and went our separate ways.

The trip itself went by fairly quickly, but it was great to have spent all that awesome time with Lindsay and Anthony, especially since I missed Anthony on my last trip to DC. Las Vegas was my last “holiday” hurrah so now I head out into the wilderness of work, work and San Francisco.

And I can honestly say, I’m stoked.


One thought on “Las Vegas

  1. Linz says:

    Love you Poodle!

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